Stowing myself away in the studio as I trust the new polenta chef in the house, I forge ahead with my pen. I have imposed a deadline for my screenplay which I have been working of for a few years. Screenwriting is very cool. If you get flowing on it. It just takes time to let go of the peripheral mayhem. But CAN BE DONE! Yes to the page.

Ugly Duckling Plumage Groomage

Here in New Zealand for nine years and still grappling with 'outsider issues'. Reflecting on such things brings to mind my favorite fairy tale: The Ugly Duckling. It's time to show my Swanliness. I'm not from your country, but I am from your planet. Showing vulnerability is not my strong suit. There is something funny about that last statement, I think.

Today my toes just wouldn't warm up. The momentum won't get going.I think we need to be willing to have a down day and not get too worked up about it. If you go go go, then naturally it will feel odd to slow , or heaven forbid, actually stop! The rain has been pelting all day and the dog hasn't uncurled much. It's the middle of winter, after all. I think when you live on the other side of the world from your facebook friends, and summer is burgeoning 'up' there, it's hard. Desmond is playing Red Hot chili peppers and it seems to match the mood. Nina is returning home on Wednesday and that should change the landscape around here. She has been in the hospital for a while and it will be good to have her back. I hope she can keep busy while I am at work. I am now going to unearth a writing project that has been waiting for me for months. G'day to you. Remember to push the reset button now and forge ahead in a new way.

It's been a long long time Chocolate funny. I feel invigorated tonight. I think I will take aleap towards my future, soon. I will talk once it's crystalized a bit more. Hooray!

Golden Sand Prawns or Gum sa

I tried these at my favorite Chinese place in Panmure Auckland called Beijing Duck,where they are called salty duck yolk prawns. I indulged in them, again at a lovely loud and crowded chinese BBQ Seafood house in Melbourne. I did a little reseach and discovered they also go by the name of golden sand prawns, a gentler name, for sure. The Chinese name for them (which could come in handy if you are in the right restaurant) is Gum Sa Shrimp. Recipe:

It's actually very simple, you boil a couple of salted duck eggs for 9-10 minutes and extract the semi-cooked yolks. Then batter and deep-fry the shrimp as normal with any batter you like. More often than not I will just use a quick and easy cornflour/flour coating. Set the crispy coated shrimp aside then add the yolks to a tablespoon of fresh oil, not too hot, you can mash the yolks beforehand but it doesn’t really matter as they dissolve readily in the heat of the oil. Toss the shrimp back in, coat them with the eggy golden sand and season with just salt or if you prefer a little spiced salt. Don't overcook and serve.

Hints

Adopting a healthy lifestyle is so easy! Take that annoying spouse who likes to park so far from your destination on shopping trips to get a few more steps in each day (you might save money, too) When you are having that morning coffee, why not forgo the cream and add a dash of cold pressed olive oil for a healthier start to the day. Carry those lazy children to the car if they are reluctant to go on an outing, weight bearing, for sure! Try boiling those falafel in water instead of oil and save heaps of fat grams!. Carry a large old milk jug in a day pack with a flexible polystraw for constant hydration. Try adding a slice of lime for that extra zing. Sante!

Carmel corn

I remember the way the old payless mall smelled like carmelcorn.
Intoxication.
The rectangular white box with red K. Mr. K. Karmelcorn, Might I remember...?

Jordan made some quite delicious homemade crackerjacks, once, I wish I'd taken notes.
In choosing a recipe I know I don't want the method that you stir in the oven. I want the crystaline molten syrup one. I want crackerjacks with darkly roasted red valencia peanuts. Maybe I'll let another nut in there, or two. Definately want to temper the sweetness with some salt. It's indulgent, but it's whole foods, lotsa fiber, too much work to make regularly but little enough to do once or twice.

One more question. If I make homemade crackerjax do I get/have to make the prizes as well?? HMMM>

Racism Reflection

Five years of living in New Zealand has been challenging in plenty of ways. While living here we have moved 7 times and had the children in the lowest decile schools and the highest. (Decile is a system of catagorizing the income of communities that school districts are in) While the low decile school experience was rife with the struggle to get basic needs met( breakfast and lunch programs and (licey) sun hats for everyone), the high decile school had it's challenges as well (hiarachies and croniism). I will resist turning this blog post into a vent session and steer myself back to musing here.

Being from America is an interesting, challenging orientation. The resources that I have always known, from consumer agility and community inclusiveness are not abundently flowing for us here. The New Zealand society has had to pull itself up from some pretty dim financial scenarios. This, in fact, has something to do with America. When New Zealand resolutely refused to allow US Nuclear Submarines and other US nuclear vessels docking privledges the US responded with a host of trade restrictions. This kept New Zealand economically disadvantaged for over twenty years. The fallout (and forgive my pun, here) is that there are deeply rooted resentments of America. They are covered up by lush green grass, but they are there. I expect that they do not interfere with the tourism experience because that is a world of mandatory friendliness, but the resident American will always be an "other". It's too easy to take it personally. I have seen my children bullied at school, adrift without teacher support, left to wonder what is wrong with them. I have felt that myself. So I suppose the lesson for me and my kids it to learn to not give a whoey about what others think, develop a thicker skin and forge ahead. There certainly are some new Zealanders who do not succumb to the ambient prejudices, and there are many other resident aliens and immigrants who don't have the invisable repulsion toward my country. So we just get over it. Still it's a challenge.

I learned to thicken my skin when I worked at Wild Wheat, a bakery that had a good percentage of it's staff from a Vietnamese family. They had escaped during the war and had a knee jerk reaction-repulsion to anything American. It was bizzare to be estranged without having any foundation of experiance to attribute it to. I couldn't even see the racism until I left and got some perspective. These were people who physically buried themselves under earth or vegetation when the Americans came near. They did it for survival. I suppose that stays with you. The woman at my work, who glowered at me each day had raised a dozen children that were orphaned by the war. Although I had nothing to do with the decisions made (when I was a few years old), I was paying the debt. The strangest thing about it all is that it is hard to talk about. The vulnerablity to expose it for me and the embarassment of acknowledging it on the New Zealander side keep it neatly tucked away under the carpet.

What doesnt kill you will make you stronger... and more empathitic.

New Day

I recently wrote this poem:



Driver


On this everyday road
I see the carriage start to jar.
The horses that have pulled me for years act up.
It's normal, I guess.
I take a moment to consider,
Thank Goodness.

I can take these loyal, haggard beasts and let them loose
to run where they will and eat sweet grass.
I take these tired animals off the job.
They need not be weary and afraid anymore.


I can choose new ones to drive me.
I decide today.
I pick tigers.
Brave, strong characters.
Velour on muscle.

Their beauty fuels me.
Their beauty is me.

I leash them into ornate leather holds,
softened from age,
giving them encouragement and thanks.
They are eager to take me gracefully
back onto this everyday road.

goofing around

Summer. Really?

I get two summers this year. I keep interpretting spring as Autumn. My biological calander is doing a double take. I am happy to report that I am wrapping up a quarter at Evergreen and planning the next ome. The next contract which will start in January and end at the end of March is a challenging prospect. It involves writerly deeds, not just talking about them or reading about them. It involves publishing. Here we go.

I have been on an herbal detox diet. I take 40 capsles a day and have restricted my diet to fruits, vegetables (no Bananas and potatoes)plain yogurt, cold pressed oils and herbs, spices, and vinegars. I'm on day 7. I feel great. I do get grouchy in the morning if someone is cooking bacon, though.

I think that even more than the herbal aspects of the clense, the fact that I have made a plan to do this and even though the urge is stronge to eat things I have enjoyed for decades, I have control over myself. I think this is the bigger progress.

I still cook with relish (the feeling, not the ingredient)and my family gets to enjoy the foods by tasting them, I only get to smell and feel and create. Jordan says we have better meals when I am on this regime, which I find funny. One problem is I don't taste my breads. I just have to hope they are up to snuff.
I have been making a lot of progress on the bakery, or as we now call it: the baking studio. It turns out to be better to use it as a teaching facility instead of a "bakery". that is because of council restrictions. Financial comparison shows that the classes are a better business than selling 5 dollar loaves of bread, as well. I will still bake for my neighbors, especially the ones who come and get it at my house and trade me cool stuff for it. I am thinking about coordinating a culinary weekend retreat out here in Karekare.

Gem, the wonder dog is under fire (literally) from a neighbor who saw her 'worrying" sheep. I now worry, myself. She is very curious about other animals. Being part standard poodle and part lab, she loves to chase birds (including the same neighbor's chicken ($77 dollar vet bill, but bird did survive, whew) She was eagerly chasing the young cows a while back, but got kicked very near the eye and that showed her. She hasnt looked at them since. I just hope I can infuse the message about the sheep in her, myself. It would be heartbreaking to the kids, to us all to lose her. I have her in my presence all the time, now. She's smart, we'll see. I must resume my fiction now. Enough of real life for a while. May your smile be on duty.

getting better

I am feeling the old skin peel away, finally. The new one is a little thicker, and a bit softer. Spring is here and the kids and I have been getting out on little mini hikes. I always want longer hikes, but they come with arguments from the shorter legged relations. So we go to the Lucas's (neighbors)and race around their field, or to Linda's (another neighbors)swing, if there arent any guests using it. Yesterday Lil and I went on a walk to the watering hole. I didn't want to go in, we had missed the sun in that spot and I was feeling wimpy. Lil would take none of it and insisted I help her on the virgin voyage of Desmond's new air mattress. She managed to let the thing go in the rushing stream that enters the pool and it quickly went out of reach. Since we had pleaded with Desmond to let us borrow it, we needed to be very careful and responsible with that birthday air mattress. I had to get completely wet to retrieve the thing. Then I insisted that Lil come in too, and she did. It was very brisk! It was when we made the whoodledor come in that things ran amok. She, has sharp claws, need I say more? Where is the patch kit...? I put it somewhere odd like in the pantry or in one of the 37 drawers we have on our little estate.
We didn't mind, really because she (the dog, Gem)put on such a ridiculous show after she got out, tearing back and forth. She is really a comedian, enjoying our howling hysterics and providing yet, more fuel, for the laughter engines, already at a good rpm. We walked home and enjoyed about nine types of weather on the way (about a weather type every 3 minutes for them that's counting.) That is the update from yesterday. I am supposed to be writing other stuff, so I'd better find the whip and crack it. Cheers!

Springing ahead with thumping galumping grace

I just deleted a bunch of mush from this posting page. Start over.
I am in school full time again and I am making myself perform. On to that now. Watch this space for written works in progress.

Rationalle

I recently bought an android phone. It wasn't cheap, it does a lot. I can scan bar codes in stores, I can detect speed detectors, I can download David Sedaris's new book and listen to it, I can use the GPS for free anytime and I can even save my parking space (but how to 'unsave' it has me stumped).
I now have a real contract for my cell phone. Before that I was on the "denial-lite" plan of prepaid service. I always bought the cheapest phone and then added time onto it as I needed it. It was pretty expensive in the long run, I added 20 or 30 dollars in a months time and there were times when my minutes would run out that were very inconvenient. This is all smacking of rationalization, isn't it?

I have a little voice in my head that says "do not rely on such things! What about if it all crashes?" Will I still know how to find my car,orhave the capacity to actually ask with my mouth for product information? (will I be able to find a salesperson) What if I can't check my email from anywhere my busy schedule takes me? Am I spoiling myself? Am I investing in a faster vehicle to race the other 'rats'?"
Well, those are questions, I am guessing, others ask themselves as they indulge in technology. After the questions of whether we deserve the luxury of such a convenience, then the questions of how can I justify the expense come up.

Now for this I AM well prepared!
Here is my list of why it's ok to have an expensive phone. I could have spent the money on...
1. Years of hair dye. I don't dye my hair so I have saved a lot, so the phone is ok.
2. Minimal speeding tickets, lower insurance= budget for a phone.
3. the phone costs as much as a root canal and is so much easier to handle!
4. How much is connection vs isolation worth? It's a bargain, really.
5. I buy clothing and cars second hand, so I deserve to have a new and facile phone.
6. It's (cleverly)insured, so I can't loose or break it!
7. I may get that message for the perfect publishing connection or alert earlier, and thus, harvest the opportunities and launch myself as a writer.

I think that's enough for now.

how does it go?

I am sitting here, husband gone to his world of science and validation. I love the space and I love him.

Downside Up

New Zealand. New Zeal.
auto mobile
Zip and Peal
Careening Caravan.
lego lands
Mermaid Flirtation
and boiled potatoes for dinner.

Life Gardening

Grafting Hope


Grafting something is defined by Webster's online dictionary as:
“Cause to grow together parts from different plants.”
If plants can be grafted and skin is grafted, can other less tangible attributes be established through a sort of spiritual grafting? Can we hunt down what we need externally and plant a little bit of it onto our self and nurture it until it is part of us, alive and helping us further forward?
Some might argue that such a practice is unnatural and thus, should be avoided; One must find what one needs within themselves.
I am, however, considering it can be done.
If a sturdy stock can feed a new desirable branch and fruit, then who's to say we can't graft things we need into our lives, like hope, confidence,and forgiveness. These things can be hard to sprout from seed, particularly when there is a tangled crop of things already growing, competing for our attention and energy.
What a great tool to carry. Just think, if something stirs up envy like someone else's success, gift or attribute, don't get jealous-just take a little cutting! Perhaps write it down so you remember what it is you are growing, have a grafting ritual, if you think it will help- maybe even every day for a while. Good crops take attention.

Another definition is “To implant a portion of (living flesh or akin) in a lesion so as to form an organic union.” (Websters) I like this definition because it talks about putting something specifically on a wound or lesion. Each human has challenges of some sort or another, wounds are part of the show, here on earth. Just as the irritation of a foreign body in the oyster makes a pearl, so can the wound be a place to graft something intentional and beautiful.
So go forth and garden, make your life an interesting and fruitful orchard, there's plenty.
There is Plenty!

Waking up Chocolate funny

I am beginning to feel like writing again. I have had seasons within myself and now I am unzipping a door. I sit here in my dark dining room with the sounds of Gem (the big young terrier- labradoodle) gnawing on something and the wind wrangling the trees outside. Please leave some trees for tomorrow, breathy god. Karekare is so untamed. The sooner I get that in my head, and accept it, the better I am. It's not a tranquil place to spend the spring (or winter or fall) It is vigorous and persist ant. Rain splatters on the windows that face the west, maybe it's salty from the Tasman sea below our house. Maybe it is some sort of seasoning the earth wants me to have.
Let's keep her up with the wind and pelt her with salty rain until she's tender and seasoned. I'm getting there.
I just returned from a trip back to the United States. I sold my delicious car, a pearl shaped and colored Borgward Issabella and a few culinary tools to finance the trip. My mission was to see if San Juan Island still felt like home, to give my home there some much needed attention (it's been rented out for four years)and also, quite importantly, to introduce my children to their extended family. They have spent four years in New Zealand and although we are happy to have had a hand full of guests, including two sets of grandparents, they have been out of the loop on cousins and aunts and uncles. This became apparent when I had to explain the definition of Aunt and Uncle to them at 6 and 7 years old. The trip was a team building one and I found myself intermittently choked up with reverence for the little dears and wondering how to humanely sedate them. Desmond and Lillian have a bond that somehow gives them latitude to be painfully honest, refreshingly allied and fiercely opposed, (all in the space of five minutes, sometimes) I had to pull them apart (and remove claws) after Lillian called Desmond's sweater "girls" or when Desmond started sputtering with clenched fists, not liking the way Lillian was using the flat airport escalator as an exercise treadmill, staying stationary (come to think of it no one on the escalator liked that routine) The moods and charm moved like mercury and I got better at diversion rather than logical conflict resolution. One day, I was in the library using the computer. (An accident with my computer early in the trip had snuffed out my new lap top.) Lillian, playing in the chidren's section, became quite restless. I told her to go pick out some books to check out. I was trying to fully utilize my half hour slot of time online. All was well for a while until I started to hear an argument. I only heard the librarian, not Lil, she was quiet ans resolute that the 40 or so books she had picked out were all necessary and would certainly be acceptable to her mother. I ignored the conversation as long as I could. Lillian started shuttling her selection of books over to me in several lots. We sat next to a pretty tolerant woman, negotiating about the cache of books. The woman finally looked at me and advised me that some expert once told her it can be fruitless (and inadvisable) to reason with your child in some circumstances. Thank You. Reducing the books down to even 20 was a process too loud for my comfort in such a hushy space.

I had some renovations in mind for the house. It needed a new deck in the back and the bathroom needed to be revamped, Jordan (pleasingly) procured some funds and a volunteer to help with the project. Justin, Jordan's stepfather offered to come and help for two weeks. This was an exceptional opportunity for affordable progress and some family connection. I had never spent any time on my own with Justin and it seemed a little nervy at first, but in the end, it turned out to be a great visit (and very productive, too) Justin got put through the test by the kids. One day I had to go to the mainland to get some materials. Justin told me he thought he could get plenty of work done while he watched the kids. Hmmm, I wondered, what will they try and get away with under those circumstances? Lillian, with her bird dog nose for sugar, found her hidden collection of pinata candy as well as a big bag of gummy worms. And let the wild rumpus begin! Justin seemed a little shell shocked when he told me the story. I just patted him on the shoulder and said, "If that's the least of your worries, your doing just fine." I feared they had burst his bubble though. Justin was a wonderful Grandad and gave the kids a chance to do some 'important' jobs to help with the remodel. He was a damn fine father in law, as well. We had plenty of good conversations about our own challenges and delights.

Reflection Essay: The Bread Route
Kate Stone

Creating a local bread service in Karekare, New Zealand has certainly been a colossal experience. With basic objectives being to trade locally and experiment with barter, the bread route has fulfilled it's aim. I made many decisions to get it set up, as well as business projections which varied, somewhat, from reality. There were unique physical challenges to operating a wood fired bakery. I learned a lot about structuring successful trades. I experienced benefits of enhanced community connection and personal health from the project. Finally, I have a few ideas to improve the bread route.

To establish the route I first had to put together a baking facility in an unused greenhouse on our residential property. I articulated a mission statement, promoted the bread and ideas about bartering, I had to expand and modify home baking recipes and techniques, balance supply demands with production capacity, source firewood and other raw materials, negotiate trades for the product, and keep track of the transactions.

In the planning stage I estimated I could produce between eighty and one hundred loaves a week with at least 75% of the transactions being barter deals. This estimate proved optimistic and was based on baking done in a conventional gas oven. In actuality, the wood fired oven takes about two hours to get up to bread baking temperature (and that's if the darn fire stays lit when you leave to do other tasks like mixing and shaping dough, chopping wood, feeding starters and rinsing sprouting grains.) The very first barter was a week of guest lodging and meals in exchange for a custom steam system for the new Fontana wood burning oven. It took some cash for the brass fittings but the vacationing plumber was a heck of a lot better than I am at dickering at the hardware store ( I took notes as Dmitri talked the bill down from nearly 200 dollars to just under 140) With the steam vent converted into a steam injection, it was time to get baking. I had one week to figure out the best way to use the new set up before my first bread class. There's nothing like a deadline to get things done. I set up the greenhouse by replacing missing glass panels, putting crushed gravel on the earth floor, installing two tall racks, trays, wood bins, a large wooden slab table,lots of proofing boards and a few kerosene lanterns. We couldn't get permission to wire the space with electricity, So I decided to name it Greenhouse Daylight Bakery.

When looking for bread route customers, I initially spent a lot of breath talking about bartering. The idea baffled many people (not knowing what they could trade). I eventually decided to work on getting the 'account' first and the bartering aspect later; let the bread do the talking, My bartering pitch was becoming increasingly apologetic (which was not very fun or effective). Eventually with a few trading customers locked in I decided to take more cash customers, since insisting on barter seemed to be limiting my new venture. Some people are naturals at barter and they actually light up at the mention of it. My neighbor Diane, for example, immediately offered to trade honey from the bees next door (coincidentally, obtained through a barter like collaboration with Olivia, the local beekeeper) and her partner offered wood cutting. With a wood fired baking operation, we were going to need help cutting all the wood. As I slowly found more locals to trade with my sense of hope for a barter based bread route returned. By the fourth week I had a growing list of cash customers and the baking route had momentum. People started calling for bread and when I promoted the bread to new customers, to my surprise, some of then had already heard of it. The situation of having bread with no place to go was no longer a problem. I started to add variety to the bread selection, expanding beyond sourdough to yeasted breads, mainly ciabatta and baguettes. Planning was essential considering the need for daylight, the temperament of sourdoughs and the three day germination of grains. In the beginning I had a couple of batches of bread done at bed time, not so good for distributing the fresh bread (although it was still fresher than the store bought alternative thirty minutes away.)

The whole operation proves to be good exercise. I find myself moving the wood a few times to split it and stock the wood bins. The best variety of firewood is Manuka or Puhutakawa which are sometimes called ironwood because they are so dense and burn like coal. There is no need for a visit to the gym if you lug a 20 quart mixer bowl full of dough all around the show, either. Some doughs are mixed and kneaded by hand, depending on size and viscosity. Then I load the loaves into baskets, change my dough encrusted clothes and zoom off to the school to distribute the bread. Sometimes, though, neighbors come to pick up the bread and oogle at the oven or the new pup.

About 75 percent of the new customers are paying cash with new trades being struck occasionally. I have to remember that there were two objectives to this sustainability study, bartering and local food production. Most trades have a self equalizing tendency. One local painter is very liberal with his valuable paintings while another neighbor decided he wanted to trade his sanding labor for plywood instead of bread after getting bread delivery for over a month, frustrating, but handled eventually by (uncomfortable) communication. In the worst case, one can simply stop trading if it doesn't 'flow' with a particular trader and communication doesn't solve the problem. Issues arise when people have different values in their minds for goods and services being traded. A thorough pre trade interview on the front end of things can bridge a value gap. In the case of the sanding trade, I should have discussed the market value of the bread with him initially, he didn't seem to value the bread at the same level as customers willing to pay between five and seven dollars a loaf. I expected there would be some trades that would 'get my goat' and I am surprised how few snags there have been. It is, after all, an experiment. I don't get to up in arms about things. Barter seems to have held in a more tolerant vein than straight cash purchases (something I have read in my research of bartering as well).

The social/community building aspect of the project has been a real bonus for me. I have a role here in Karekare that I didn't have before. Peoples hearts are warmed when they get a call from me when I think they might appreciate a particular bread or I check to see if they want a delivery. Bread has historical significance as something shared or broken together and people still do have a fondness for a handcrafted loaf of bread. When the loaves come out nicely, all lofty and full of luster, I feel just great.

Improvements I might make to the ongoing operation is to modify the steam system so the the water is channeled down the sides and not in the middle, thus increasing the capacity of the oven by making the center space available, now it has to be left empty. In a perfect world I'd get the bigger oven from Fontana and really ramp up the production. I could source the organic wheat berries directly from the growers and buy them in larger quantities. It would be good to get a wet grinder to mash the sprouted grains, since my food processor doesn't do the job that well and doing it in the mortar and pestle is... although meditative, very slow. I would confidently charge more per loaf. There must be a pre printed carbon copy receipt book out there that I could section off so I could give trade bread clients a running tab and keep all the details in one place for my accounting. New Zealand has such a smaller selection of office products, maybe I'll find one in the States that will suit the unique system, I suppose I could use the computer for this. In the future, I would make sure there were no brittle eucalyptus trees near the GLASS house where the lovely Italian oven is located! All in all, I'm very pleased with the project and now I even have a fine little cash/barter business, as well as a lot of practical learning under my belt.

Cloud Nine... Again.

This photo is of our front yard, which I take a lot of photos of. It puts on a show every day. This cloud event happened this morning. I got Jordan out of bed to see it, he was a little groggy or maybe jaded and wandered quietly back to bed. But don't you agree, that is a lovely sky! Ever since I chose to name my catering business Cloud Nine, I have started photographing clouds, maybe for advertising... but until then, I marvel a lot. This is, as they say: Aotearoa, land of the long white cloud.