if its not yummy, then we better make it funny.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Winter Bluez

I'm not going to sugar coat it. I'm not going to look on the sunny side. I'm blue. It's the dead of winter and I live in a little box in the poor and disparate/ desperate neighborhoods of Auckland. What should I do? Should I wrap it up? Should I go home? Where is home, anyway? Why is Jordan so damn chipper? I'm changing his classical station to something darker and more contemporary. Being an artist or a writer or an immigrant just seems too hard.

Ive decided to try something. I know that swimming and reading and writing make me a happier person so Im turning myself into a robot for mental health. When I get internal resistance about doing something "healthy" or "good for me" Im going to turn the switch to auto pilot or to override resistance. Im going to fill a whole day up with "Good Things" even if it doesn't feel authentic. If I cant find the laptop chord, I wont be stalled out, Ill lift my 2000 pound body and find it. Ill swim, later, even if I don't make it to the morning squads, Ill build the trellising for the peas and the cage to keep the birds out of the berries. Ill do this all the while, ignoring the sad little complainer trying to eek up and out from under my overbearing and automatic productivity. Ill try it for a couple of days, at least before I decide which is best. ill call it the preparation for my attitude transplant, pre- ethereal surgery. Dont digest anything fatalistic for two days, your system must be empty of sludgy gloom for the high priestess to do her work. Ill let you know how my robotic optimism approach works.

1 comment:

  1. That is a good tactic. It's hard, incredibly hard, to make yourself do things that are good for you when you feel down. But it helps, and to force yourself to do these things, helps.

    I found that doing something that required total concentration helped my mood the most. In my case, it was walking down this slippery and steep ski hill. I had to focus on every step so I wouldn't slip and fall. It took up all my mental power and for that period of 15 minutes or so, I didn't think about how lousy I felt. And the effects lasted afterwards for a while as well. It felt (or even was) medicinal.


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