Wishes are fishes and Im hungry

Jordan and I have been looking at property to buy for our home in New Zealand. We have looked at raw land and at shacky shanties and dreadfully boring suburban boxes. We are smitten with a house on a piece of property out west of Auckland. It is 11 acres with a house and a studio on it. It has an orchard, chicken house, waterfall, gardens, and is at the end of a long rustic downhill road. It is financially ambitious , to say the least. This has motivated other changes. I will be returning to fix up our Friday Harbor house and prepare it for sale at the end of this month. There are so many ideas we have that could be implemented up there on that coastal mountain ridge. I find myself in some emotional jeopardy from my desire for it.

Are we allowed to have something so wonderful? Can we generate the $3900 monthly mortgage? If not, can I find an investment partner to share it with? I know risk offers reward, but where is the line I shouldn't cross? Am I missing the point of where we humans need to be focused all together? If we are to have a life sustaining planet for our children should we forget about securing ourselves future comfort and think about the greater whole instead? Perhaps if I pledge to help others with the land, share it, I can have it. Ive been at the table with god before, offering promises for outcomes I want. Usually it is about my children's safety or some dire situation. I'm sorry that I call meetings with God for such needful times. I think God knows she's/he's always invited for all the times, plain and grandiose ,though. How did we get to God, anyway??

I look forward to seeing Nina, my daughter, and to visit and philosophize with Cate Mckee and tell Nancy about my exploration of Devonport on my recent week of working there. Ill see Natalia's baby and eat Tims pastrami and have roving walks with Barbara, where we really let out our reflections and true secret opinions. Ill hopefully get to cook with Laurie and maybe do some ritual magic with my women friends who meet on certain moons. Ill catch up with Beth. Chinmayo and I will sing and laugh. Larry will be his lovely jovial self, neighbor Jim will greet us from his patch. Serene Sue will have coffee in the thermos and Bill will give me that Scooby doo smile. Debra will undoubtedly show up to say hi at the perfect time and Ill get to see her domain's progress. Annie will have a few new masterpieces done. It will be something of a closure, I suspect. I look forward to the lilies poking up and the tulips unwitting cheer in my front yard. Ill feed the strawberries and tell them goodbye. Ill lay down on the stone terrace I built and soak in it's heat. I'm coming home, for the last time.